tuju ku kehilangan

hari2 semakin gelap
aku tak nampak di mana cahaya
ohh tidak aku kegelapan
ke mana perginya sinar hari2ku?

terpusing aku ke sana sini
meraba raba dalam kelam
mencari sesuatu yang boleh aku genggam
yang boleh berdampingku
yang boleh menemaniku
tanpa ragu2 tanpa hirau birau
tetapi kegagalan demi kegagalan ku tempuh

ohh tuhan aku kehilangan
kehilangan sesuatu yang aku telah ada
aku semakin kekurangan
kekurangan kekuatan hati
untuk menempuh duka lara
sepertimana hari2 yang dulu

ohh tuhan ke mana harus aku pergi?
teraba aku dalam gelap
detik demi detik sinar tidak ku temu
apakah aku terperangkap di sini selamanya?
apakah datang sang puteri menjauhkan aku dari kegelapan?
apakah aku tiada peluang bertemu cahaya?

hari ini aku tertunduk
terduduk
terasa aku mahu pergi
pergi jauh bersendiri
membawa hati yang hampa
meninggalkan dunia ke alam maya
mencari ketenangan yang tak mungkin ku jumpa
mencari erti hidup seorang yang hampa

hari esok aku akan berdiri
melangkah setapak demi detapak
menuju ke tiada arah tuju
berjalan dan terus berjalan
berlalu pergi
pergi berjalan kaki
berjalan bersendiri

aku pejalan kaki
ingin meninggalkan semua ini
semua...

the 081217

hening pagi yang sunyi
aku terjaga bersendiri
terdiam melihat lelangit
mengira bintang di dalam hati

deruan kipas terdengar
menemani sunyiku mendingin tubuhku
di saat aku mula mengenang
potret memori luka di hati

hilang aku dalam memori
meniti hari yang jauh berlalu
apa guna aku ke situ?
mahukah aku mengulang yang itu?

kelam dalam suram
pada pagi hari
sebelum tebit fajar mentari
aku hilang dalam memoir hati

keluarkan aku
jauhkan aku dari nostalgia itu
aku dah penat
tak sanggup mengulangi kesilapan itu

oh tuhan hidupkanlah hati
untuk aku kembali berseri
sesungguhnya hatiku mati
ditelan kesalahan diri

tidak perlu aku kembali
mengubah yang dahulu kala
cuma aku perlu bangkit
mengubah yang bakal datang

nasibku hidupku semua pada aku
silap selangkah silaplah jalan
aku tak boleh lalai lagi
maaf cinta aku mahu pergi

membuka minda dan hati baru
mencoret ceritera baru
menjadi tugas baru aku
untuk menawan hati yang salju

the last goodbye

looking around the mess i made
it's me the one to be blamed
though me and you make things beautiful
yet been marked by my own fools

people make mistakes but mine are unacceptable
neither one can forget them never
i'll take whatever heading my way
as i know it wasn't you

i'll not winning you whole back as i see
you deserve far better than me
i'll stab my heart kill my pride for you
i'll surrender everything i got all for you

they're keep saying and i know their truth
all i want i the best for you
yet the breakaway is too hard i know
but baby just let it go you leave them slow

this is my last goodbye
will not be back no matter how hard you cry
wipe your tears as you're too good for my life and me
you'll see the life goes on when there's no you and me

i'll make sure you're living happily
i'll make for you everything smoothly

this is my all
this is my life goodbye

all i ever wanted

since it began for me
expectations are on sky high
never it was too long for me
to be down against the expecting

never a second give me a life
and it's hard to survive
because you i think my whole life
but i just living out in the jive

all i ever wanted is you
all i wanted is just you
all i wanted is your care
all i wanted is your love

oh how can i ever got that
i speak the standard too high
or is it just you who can't afford it

all i ever wanted is you
all i wanted is just you
all i wanted is your care
all i wanted is your love

oh how can i ever love you
i just can accept the way you are
or am i just too heartbroken the way life is

please baby you're always mine
but it just the way i see you see me
i never feel like i'm yours at that way
you got to do something right away

please baby show me all you got
gimme your laugh and smile
and everything making you sad and mad
cause i'm way too much want that from you

all i ever wanted is you
all i wanted is just you
all i wanted is your care
all i wanted is your love

oh how can i ever got that
i speak the standard too high
or is it just you who can't afford it

all i ever wanted is you
all i wanted is just you
all i wanted is your care
all i wanted is your love

oh how can i ever love you
i just can accept the way you are
or am i just too heartbroken the way life is

don't ever say that

don't ever say that i don't need to know you
while you are the one who make me want to know you.

don't ever say that i don't need to disturb you
while you are the only one i can disturb with.

don't ever say that there's a lot of friends out there
while you are just the perfect one in between of them out there.

don't ever say that you don't need to be around
while you are just what i needed all the way around.

don't ever say that i don't have to like you
while you are just the one that i like.

don't ever say that you are the burdensome
while you are just tremendous support against my burdensome.

don't ever say that you are the poison to my heart
while you are the cure to my broken heart.

don't ever say that i don't have to love you
while you are the one who is lovable.

and

don't ever say that you will love me
as i will always love you since then.

so

don't ever say that i will ignore you
while i have my eyes all on you.

and please

don't ever say that you will leave me
as my life will ever be in a deep trouble of love.

i'm in love

to be honest from the
first time we met
saying i like you
was not easy for me to do

if i don't approach you first
i was afraid of losing you

i wrote letters and prepare
small gifts for you

if my love for you
goes any deeper
it would only hurt me more
its true my mind is full of fear

i pray with all my heart
the person that i'm hoping for
i believe that person is you

i'm in love
i fall in love

there's no way around it
i can't hide my heart
you're so beautiful

i thought i never
gonna fall in love
but i'm in love
cause i wanna love you baby

thruthfully from the first time
i met you
somewhere inside my heart
you crashed like a strong wave

you're the only thing
i think about all day
i can be a good lover
wanna be your four-leafed clover
i will make you feel like
the happiest woman in the world

you gotta believe me
make you never gonna leave me
i won't make you promises
i will just show it to you

i'm in love
with you baby

i fall in love
there's no way around it

originated from Narsha I'm In Love
korean ballad

towards a woman call mother

to mama

i may be a person who does not listen well to your advice

i may be a person who does hide something you doesn't like from your acknowledge

i may be a person who does thing not accordingly to what you hope for

i may be a person who just almost against your will

i may be a person who make you being responsible and yet give you loads a lot

i may be a person who give shame to you

but

i always try to have a well life like you want me to have

i always try to against my lazy side for the sake of your future

i always try to get things in your ways even for at least

i always try to be a child who can contribute to their moms

i always try to give my best for the family first

and

i am hoping for you to live well till the day i can make a living for you

i am hoping for you to rest well till the day i can comfort you

i am hoping for you to continue being a mother

for me to seek advice

for me to gain your love

for me to hold a smile

for me to feel the happiness

so that

we can live well and lovely as a family.

i love you mama. i always do.

ZEAL OF SURVIVAL

Time always see it’s you
I’m the one that lost the view
But you could make it through
Without me besides

You’ll always make me stand
Thus make me feel as friend
Only when you need a hand
I’ll just put mine in your pant

I just want to make you high
I just want to see you smile
I will never say goodbye
But you only passed me by

I just want to make it straight
Put my voice inside your head
Never thought it was too late
You just leave it to the fate

Sun just arise and giving shine
But the darkness on divine
Cause of you I lost my spine
And I guess I’ll just be fine

When I look you to the air
You’re the only thing I care
So I thought you’d be unfair
You don’t mind leaving me there

I’m tired to win you out
And all I get is left out
I tried to figure you out
But I can only look you out

I’m done with all the vain
All the shit you make me pain
I’ll leave you as no name
I’ll live with what I should gain

oh hujan.org

oh kapet hujan.org v1, aku rindu kau.

aku rindu saat-saat aku datang menyemak dengan tiba-tiba dan buat bising.

aku rindu saat-saat aku menyenget menyengal dan menyewel.

aku rindu saat-saat aku bergelak tawa dengan alien-alien yang sama sewel.

aku rindu saat-saat aku menggila tak ingat dunia.

oh forum hujan.org v1, aku rindu kau

aku rindu saat-saat aku spam post di apa jua thread yang ada.

aku rindu saat-saat meluahkan idea dan kritikan dengan terbuka.

aku rindu saat-saat memerah otak mengeluarkan design-design kreatif untuk semua.

aku rindu saat-saat menghargai semua-semua tu bersama.

rindu hanya menjadi rindu.

detik tetap terus berlalu.

semakin direnung semakin sayu.

oh aku patut teruskan hidupku.

the four "w"

shout & relief
apakah untuk lepas geram?
atau lebih kepada maki hamun?
itu semua diterima
selagi hati terbuka dan mampu berkata-kata

the writing of curity
mampukah ia pulih dengan hanya menulis?
pertanyaan yang sangat boleh dijawab
secara abstraknya

worthy words
berbaloikah?
atau hanya sekadar lepasan?
selagi hati terasa lega
tiada salah untuk berkata-kata

weirdo wishes
pelik sangatkah hajat di hati?
tak salah berhajat sesuatu yang pelik
asalkan hati & nurani kata benar

shout & relief
the writing of curity
worthy words weirdo wishes